Sidewalk Schlepping 101

There are rules of the road by which all drivers abide and, likewise, there are rules of the pavement that all New Yorkers should adhere to, as well. Not directly correlating to any weather phenomena in particular, but rather universal laws of the physical world, these rules should govern all that we do as walkers in a city of feet. Fondly following are the first Ten Commandments of City Streets:

  1. Thou shalt not stop in the middle of the block without first pulling over to the buildings side.
  2. Thou shalt not carry thy umbrella too close to oneself as a courtesy to the eyes of other, taller (non-Jewish) pedestrians.
  3. Thou shalt not stand more than two full-sized or three petite-sized persons across on a sidewalk
  4. Thou shalt leave the curb before the walk sign officially apears, anticipating the turning of the lights and freely entering any oncoming traffic that fails to heed to the upcoming red.
  5. Thou shalt not look up while walking.
  6. Thou shalt not spend so much time looking down upon mobile devices that one slows one’s cadence.
  7. Thou must honor the pace of those around you by yielding to Fast Walkers in one of two ways:
    1. by moving slightly to one side in order to allow for an informal pass or,
    2. by drawing in all appendages to minimize one’s personal volume in space while mainting an identical course to that already being followed.
  8. Thou must speak softly when on cellular devices despite the absolutely astounding noise pollution so that pedestrians walking around you do not lose their own trains of …
  9. Thou maybe shouldn’t covet thy neighbor’s bag or shoes, but thou shall bestow approving or disapproving looks upon the bearer of said items without enduring public scorn
  10. Thou shalt make eye contact with belligerent drivers trying to make a right turn while you have the Walk sign so as to alert them to the fact that they are driving like a jerk.

Please join me on Twitter (@newnewyorkernic) for additions and amendments to the commandments or to contribute to the cannon yourself. After all, if we Tweet from the Streets, perhaps we can make the sidewalks a safer place one walker at a time.


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